It’s the “keep going” part that is the hardest.

There’s a place I grew quite fond of hiking in Boise, ID called Table Rock. While Table Rock is considered a “moderate” hike, as someone who is more on the indoorsy side, it’s a definite challenge for me. However, while it may be a bit of a physical challenge, it’s far more a mental challenge.

As an approximately 4-mile hike with a 900-something foot summit, Table Rock seems like it shouldn’t be so difficult. You see the giant cross at the top and it feels so close — yet, as they say, so far away.

Every time I hike Table Rock, I am reminded of my battle with depression. Table Rock has the advantage of a viewable summit; unfortunately, when it comes to depression, you generally can’t see where its journey will be finished.

After hiking the Table Rock trail the first 15–20 minutes, I’m generally impatient, frustrated, and ready to give up. During the whole time, I see the top of Table Rock and it seems so close, but I still always have a ways to go. The close proximation seems misleading, and with every step, I am struggling to keep going.

Every moment with depression is a struggle, and it’s often difficult to continue. Depression takes your time and energy, and it’s frustrating and tiring. Deep down, we all know that if we keep going, we can make it. But it’s the “keep going” part that’s the hardest in every scenario.

The first time I attempted to hike Table Rock, I didn’t finish. I made it about 2/3 the way before I gave up. But I knew that I could finish the hike if I set my mind to it so I returned; and time and time again after, I have managed to finish the hike. Unfortunately, it never seems to get easier.

I have been struggling with depression since I was thirteen. After dealing with depression for more than half my life, I’ve become fairly familiar with the journey. And as I currently sit here writing this, I have proven that I’ve been able to make it through time and time again — yet, it never gets easier either.

Depression doesn’t have a viewable summit for you to vaguely gauge your progress, but we know if we can make it through, we can go back to being our “normal” self and go on with our lives.

Each time I make it to the top of Table Rock, there’s a little voice in myself that triumphantly says, “You didn’t think you could do it, but you did it!”

Sometimes depression gets so overpowering that we don’t think we can make it, but we can — we just have to keep going.